I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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