Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
