I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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