Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
