I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
