Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
