I think my vagina is haunted
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
