u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
