No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
