is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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