i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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