woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I'm really busy with my period
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