look no pants
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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