Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
