Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
