didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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