I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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