Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
