I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
