Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
