just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
