so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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