I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
