Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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