I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
