He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
