I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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