dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
my liver is dry heaving
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
