But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it glows. i had to have it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
