Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This beer is not sobering me up at all
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
