The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
