Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
