We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
