getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
