Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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