my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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