Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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