Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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