Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
ok first of all what the fuck
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
