At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
