I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
