I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
