Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
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