she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
