Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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