help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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