I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
