you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
