Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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