Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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